I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
