That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
