Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
