i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
