Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
someone threw a dead crab at me
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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