the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
