she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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