I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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