I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
