hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
