she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
