we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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