im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
