i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
pray to the hookup gods
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
