Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
