i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
