I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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