I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
