I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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