Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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