Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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