My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
