There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
