Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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