You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
