my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
