nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
