She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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