i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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