this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
