I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
