We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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