I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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