I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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