i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
