So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
