the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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