take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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