Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
