plz talk dirty to me
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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