whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
