Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
