we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
