so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
