420 ftw
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
