I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
