Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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