First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
