yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
