We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
