He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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